The Man from Toronto

Teddy (Kevin Hart), the protagonist of Netflix's "The Man From Toronto," is a grating, loudmouthed, underachievers. Anyone who can tolerate him for more than 10 minutes deserves a medal for patience. The most recent film by director Patrick Hughes is 112 minutes long and a mash-up of so many previous films that it is the most annoying of all cinematic collages. Signposts along this path include the darkly humorous hitman thriller, the silly loser wanting to prove himself underdog film, the stand-up comedian vanity project, the mistaken identity story, and the violent action film. It is the kind of endeavor that reinforces my conspiracy idea that many Netflix films are developed only to be played in the background as viewers fold laundry or vacuum cat hair off IKEA furniture. Every 10 minutes, you may leave this film and return without missing anything.

Baldheaded Woody Harrelson portrays the eponymous Torontonian, a ruthless assassin with his infamous reputation for torture. In an early scene, we see him practicing his profession. Hired to extract information by whatever means necessary, The Man From Toronto (as he is billed) exhibits an astounding assortment of cutlery in front of his victim before narrating his origin tale. When he was a little lad growing up "on a frozen lake 500 miles from nothing," his grandpa was assaulted by a grizzly bear. While Grandpa's grandson watched from a distance, the bear made short work of him. Once the torture starts, pleading for mercy will be ineffective; the assassin's empathy perished on the freezing lake. The tale is effective; the perpetrator confesses and is awarded a swifter execution than his silence would have procured.

The Man From Toronto receives instructions from a lady whose title on his phone is "Handler." The film first conceals her identity, but her unique voice instantly reveals the person who portrays her. The Handler, as she is credited, has men in various cities, like Miami, Tokyo, Moscow, etc. When she believes her guy in Toronto has gone rogue, she will finally contact them. These men have big egos and seem to live in the shadow of their Canadian coworker. The Miami man (Pierson Fode), who was initially seen murdering a man with a golf club, seems to have a grudge that causes him to reappear periodically like a bad penny.

So much for the aspect of the thriller about a darkly comedic hitman. Teddy is the source of the underachiever tale. His patient, devoted wife Lori (Jasmine Mathews) informs him that her company uses his name to describe when someone messes up. She exclaims with joy, "You are a verb!" In the opening scene of "The Man From Toronto," her spouse can be seen constantly "teddying" in YouTube fitness videos. At least Hart is sufficiently macho to portray a person hawking weight training products such as the "TeddyBand" (which hits and slaps him in the face) and the "TeddyBar," a pull-up rack whose exercise consists of the user getting crushed by falling equipment.

Teddy's newest pitch is to his employer in the boxing ring, Marty, who has retained him despite the fact that the marketing brochures Teddy created do not include the location of the gym. I doubt Lori's common sense due to her belief that her partner's most recent proposition has substance. Teddy wants to promote "no-contact" boxing, a cardio exercise in which participants throw punches without being struck. The term "shadow boxing" was used during my amateur training days, but what do I know? I am a senior citizen who is hopelessly out of touch with the notions of today's youth. Marty is likewise elderly, and he believes it is the worst notion he ever ever heard.

Teddy is so inept that he cannot even do a basic duty, such as preparing a nice evening for his wife's birthday. Obviously, the already high stakes for his present endeavor will be raised much more. This gets us to the identity confusion storyline. Due to "low toner" in his printer, Teddy misidentifies the address of the cabin he leased for Lori's birthday trip. People in "The Man from Toronto" exclaim "low toner" so often that it may serve as the basis for a drinking game. Unfortunately, Teddy's error leads him to the only cabin in Onancock, Virginia, containing the intended victim of The Man From Toronto's torture. The men believe they employed Teddy. As anticipated, Hell breaks free when the genuine article appears.

You are aware of what follows. Through the ideas of Roger Ebert's Idiot Plot theory, TMFT is trapped with Teddy while he navigates the hitman scenario. The FBI is also urging Teddy to put himself in harm's path, for reasons I cannot describe in sufficient detail. In the meanwhile, the FBI is keeping Lori occupied by dragging her on shopping excursions and spa appointments with a hunky male agent she assumes is working on Teddy's side. Teddy regularly says and does things that no one in his position would ever do, according to the script by Robbie Fox and Chris Bremner. Hart is an expert at talking his way out of sticky situations, thus this should have resulted in comedic value. However, not even his abilities as a comedian can save this conversation.

All of this culminates in the violent actioner portion, when Hughes employs his godawful speeding up approach that makes following everything almost difficult. Along the way, Teddy and the Man from Toronto form a manly but tender friendship, while the person who requested this on Netflix finds a hairball that is too large to vacuum up. When even a rocket launcher-wielding Ellen Barkin cannot salvage a film, you know it is in danger. Barkin, looking as imposing and strong as ever, obliterates a number of automobiles with fireballs that would make Joel Silver proud. Unfortunately, she was unable to target it at this film.